Call the LionHeart Helpline

UK: 0800 009 2960 or +44 (0)121 289 3300

Request a callback

Close

Living with OCD

wayne ocd quote
12-10-2022

My husband and I often joke that we wish my OCD took the form of tidying... sadly for both of us this is not the case!

OCD must be one of the most misunderstood conditions and if I'm honest, it does sometimes annoy me when I hear people make that same joke about tidying up or lining all your tins up a certain way in the food cupboard. How often do you hear people say, 'oh, I'm a bit OCD' when explaining away a quirk of theirs.

The fact is that jokes like this and the language used around mental health conditions can have an enormous impact on the person who is suffering.

Actually, OCD takes many forms and what many people don't understand is that it may be based on a lifetime cycle of mental checking, memory recall, catastrophising and doubt, in a way that becomes habitual and completely out of someone's control. Constant mental rituals, going over memories again and again, getting stuck in some kind of worry loop; it's so exhausting and debilitating that it can consume your life and, at times, it does.

I have had OCD for as long as I can remember really, although it wasn't labelled as such at the time. I believe it started with being badly bullied at school, and seeing my mum have a schizophrenic breakdown when I was 12 years old, when she was taken away for six weeks.

'What helped me cope as a child became something I couldn't stop'

At the time I internalised a lot of the problems I was having because I didn't want to worry my parents; my brother was also schizophrenic so there was not much time for me and I had no-one to share my worries with. The little mental rituals that began as a kind of coping mechanism became something I couldn't stop doing and became a much bigger problem.

OCD becomes part of your personality. Often, your mind doesn't stop, it can be hard to switch off, which might bring with it a certain creativity but it can honestly be a struggle to live with.

I did try to reach out for help externally as a teenager but to be honest there was little understanding at that time and a definite stigma around any kind of mental health issues, which is thankfully changing.

After a breakdown in 2006, I had some medication and treatment but for me the meds were not great and I found they just dulled all my feelings and simply masked what was going on, rather than helping.

What helps for me is counselling, a good and understanding husband, family and friends. I consider myself lucky that I am largely able to control things at work and have a job that I love, a very supportive manager and good work friends that are not just colleagues; as the Training Assessment Manager at RICS my job involves supporting other people all over the world and bizarrely I find the focus I give to others through it really helps.

Living with something like OCD is a bit like being on a lifelong rollercoaster. Although there are sometimes periods of time where I am doing ok, something like OCD can't be 'cured', it must be managed. You can't, as they say, run away from your mind, and even when times are good there's a part of you wondering how big the next wave that's coming along is going to be.

Talking to help break the cycle 

2022 has been tough going for me and I am currently undergoing counselling to help me further manage my OCD, which has escalated this year and resulted in personal difficulties with anxiety. This could be due to a stressful move, house renovations, work structural changes and pressures (but my great boss Heidi has been very supportive as always). We have also had to deal with the very sad recent loss of my mother in law, and the aftermath of Covid and sometimes struggling to work alone at home has also probably had an impact on me. Thankfully I have my beautiful double doodle puppy Baby Audrey, which does wonders for improving my mental health, and my husband of 10 years who is very good at listening and helping me manage my OCD, and most importantly allowing me to try and rationalise things.

I am a big believer in talking. Certainly, talking for me is a great help in breaking the cycle of doubt and worry and a tendency to catastrophise.

I am passionate that we remove the stigma of mental health and start talking about good mental wellbeing. I believe by sharing our experiences and helping each other we can make that change so thanks for reading this blog. If you're an RICS professional, please reach out to LionHeart and utilise the many wonderful resources.

Life is precious and so is our mental health!

Wayne Grainger-Lloyd is Assessment Training Manager at RICS and is also being trained to become a Mental Health First Aider (MHFA). As part of this personal commitment to helping others he volunteers as a mental health ambassador for LionHeart, the first RICS staff member to do so.
He accessed counselling through RICS EAP provider Vitality and, during OCD Awareness Week, wants to help make others aware of the support available through LionHeart and employee assistance programmes.

Find out more:

  • LionHeart offers free professional counselling to the surveying community via our own in-house counsellors in the UK and Ireland, and through our trusted, accredited partners elsewhere. Read more
  • We also offer youth counselling through a specialist provider to the children of RICS professionals based in the UK, aged over 12. Read more
  • 'What's OCD and how can we help?' Read an explainer from our counsellor Bernadette Antoniou here

Latest Posts

2024
December
3rd - Things I learnt about grief this year
November
4th - An 'ask' from the LionHeart chair
October
16th - Understanding OCD – and how therapy can help
10th - The conversations that can change lives
September
16th - Help! I'm a new graduate surveyor!
10th - Starting the conversation around suicide
August
23rd - Do you know your numbers?
July
31st - My dad, the alcoholic
May
24th - Introducing LionHeart's new CEO
9th - Moving more for your mental health
March
21st - Being a surveyor with ADHD
13th - Life after brain injury
February
5th - How youth counselling helped us
2023
November
22nd - Living with an invisible illness
9th - What makes a good trustee?
1st - Things you must do as a final year surveying student!
October
4th - Dyslexia in surveying
September
28th - Reflecting on 12 years at LionHeart
13th - New beginnings and how to embrace them
5th - Losing a sibling to suicide
July
5th - Celebrating one year alcohol-free
April
25th - Caring for someone with MS
20th - How to set boundaries at work
February
17th - 'Calling LionHeart was like being thrown a life jacket'
6th - Spotlight on winter fundraising
3rd - Facing cancer
2022
November
14th - Identifying and dealing with workplace bullying
October
13th - Why make a will?
12th - Living with OCD
3rd - Autism and my road of discovery
September
22nd - Frequently asked questions about LionHeart
August
25th - 25 years of LionHeart
11th - 'Stress caused me permanent disability'
July
18th - Diversifying our board, and why
May
18th - Coaching to unlock a new future
12th - How to help your lonely teen
9th - Asking for help - as the helper
April
28th - Why talking about dying is so important
7th - 9 simple ways to cut stress
March
23rd - Living & succeeding with ADHD
16th - 'I came to see how much of my life was run on adrenaline'
February
10th - "My daughter didn't want to be here any more"
4th - My life-changing cancer diagnosis
January
13th - Reassessing how you drink
4th - Looking to the future
2021
November
19th - How alcohol almost cost me everything
18th - Children's grief and how to help
16th - Alcohol, anxiety and how secrets keep you sick
4th - "I had no idea stress could cause a real physical pain"
October
22nd - 5 ways to get your teen talking
18th - The Positives of Menopause
13th - Baby loss and depression
12th - The pandemic's impact on children's mental health (and what we can do about it)
8th - Don't judge a book - a story of depression and change
5th - LionHeart Back to Work support
September
29th - Post APC submission
16th - How families feel youth mental health
June
24th - 6 top tips if you've been referred
May
20th - Coaching for change
12th - I'd hit absolute bottom - but it was the catalyst to seek help
April
22nd - Spring into action by fundraising for LionHeart
March
4th - Reflecting on university mental health
February
15th - My experiences of counselling
January
20th - Worry Time - and how it helps
18th - My furlough & redundancy journey
13th - Volunteering and LionHeart
2020
November
30th - A road to change
2nd - Trusteeship through lockdown and uncertainty
October
12th - The importance of legacies
10th - Overwhelm - and overcoming it
8th - Lockdown and my mental health
September
28th - Creativity at Work
July
20th - Video
June
24th - 'If I can do it, so can you'
22nd - How to ace your APC interview online
8th - Help! I've been referred... what now?
3rd - Your coronavirus concerns, and how we're helping
May
12th - Managing health anxiety through Covid-19 - and how we helped Mike
12th - How coronavirus might be affecting your mental health
March
31st - Rising to the coronavirus challenge
24th - Keep connecting - in a different way
13th - Demonstrating our impact
February
4th - The Big C and grabbing life
4th - "Cancer wasn't meant to happen to us"
January
30th - My journey as a charity trustee
7th - Top 10 tips for CVs and interviews
2019
December
9th - Grief and loss at Christmas
November
7th - Charity trusteeship
6th - How counselling can help manage stress
October
9th - Living with anxiety and depression
July
10th - How coaching can help
May
16th - Changing attitudes to mental health
15th - The vicious circle of body image & mental health
14th - Social Anxiety & how we can help
April
11th - Life with Parkinson's
March
29th - The one about the Bipolar surveyor...
29th - What is Bipolar?
12th - Memory tips from the training front line
January
22nd - Losing a parent
2018
December
7th - LionHeart's support was a game-changer when I failed APC
August
16th - When the reality of motherhood doesn't quite go to plan
July
10th - The story behind surveying's Sisterhood Summit
2nd - The rollercoaster of being a first-time dad
June
22nd - My father's suicide and what I've learnt
14th - Tips for your RICS APC final assessment interview
7th - Trust in the charity sector
May
21st - Is it really okay to not be okay?
April
17th - Building resilience through your APC
January
8th - 7 ways to get more active this year
2017
December
4th - Coping with loss and grief at Christmas
October
5th - "I was told I might not be cut out to be a surveyor"
September
26th - Resilience, and why we need it
August
21st - APC Revision Top Ten Tips
July
12th - LionHeart on new fundraising code of practice
June
19th - Living with 'invisible' illness
14th - How LionHeart helped us live life
13th - Men's Health Week 2017
May
22nd - Living with panic attacks
18th - Why we must care about work life balance
11th - The chicken-and-egg of mental health and shame
February
2nd - What I learnt from Dry January
January
31st - "My 19-year journey to MRICS is what made me"
5th - Ways to be kind to yourself in 2017
2016
September
7th - Suicide prevention
August
1st - Coping with APC stress
July
13th - "I constantly watch my husband for suicidal signs"
May
26th - Dealing with referral at APC Final Assessment
19th - How mindfulness can help your relationships
18th - "I live, and thrive, with depression"
17th - Men and mental health
16th - Mental health and your relationship
April
26th - Starting out in surveying
March
11th - A happy retirement
February
1st - My Dry(ish) January
January
21st - Spring clean your finances
6th - When to consider couples counselling
2015
December
4th - Having a (financially) healthier Christmas
November
18th - How to help a loved one with an addiction
June
15th - Reflections on the Lionheart Surveyors' Football League season
12th - Carers
10th - How LionHeart can support carers
9th - Desktop Relaxation techniques
May
29th - Techniques to help combat anxiety
20th - Helping a family member with depression
18th - Achievements that make a difference
16th - Five things that may indicate your colleague needs help
11th - Helping during a panic attack